THE WEEKEND
FINALLY I had a weekend where I got to do what I wanted and not tend to somebody else's functions, events, needs and desires. I got to hang out with friends, blow off some steam and genuinely enjoy myself on my own terms. It was excellent.INNER MONOLOGUE
I'm a bit more introspective than most people which tends to make me a bit more self aware (I like to think). One thing I've learned about myself over the years is I have very little patience or tolerance for stupidity. Stupidity and illogicality to be more specific. I'm not saying everyone has to be a top scientist, mathematician, doctor etc, but the lack of ability to think for one's self and lack of common sense within society is simply staggering. People who make decisions based on the most insane, illogical, nonsensical criteria irk me at my very core. This extends into all aspects of life and conversation. I've always fancied thinking for myself, making my own decisions based on logic and things I believe to be important. When I meet people who say things like "I'm republican/democrat because my parents are" I can't help but feel sorry for them. I knew a girl in college who would call her parents for consult with just about every decision in her life. She was absolutely lost and confused at most times of the day. And there was this other person . . . .
RESULTING PERCEPTION
BLAH BLAH BLAH you get the point. These things just get on my nerves to the point where I become annoyed with the persons very presence. If I'm continued to be subjected to this persons presence I begin to genuinely dislike them which, in certain extreme cases, has become hate in a few situations.
PERCEPTION AS A COPING MECHANISM
I've also notice I begin to dislike someone as a defense mechanism. This mostly applies to my plight with women. If I'm really into a young lady who happens to be interested in me but she has a boyfriend or starts going out with someone who is not me, I'm obviously not going to be happy with that. I still have feelings for them and I feel I've been slighted just a bit. Still ok, typically we remain friends because if I actually like someone it's because I enjoy their company and conversation. But then there are still those feelings kicking around which I can't express or explore because the person they're meant for is taken. This situation gets really frustrating and I become peeved at the person the feelings are directed because they're making me feel this way and causing me issue. It's ridiculous but it helps me keep my sanity and deal with the situation. I never lash out at the person, it's more of an internal defense mechanism to keep the feelings I have from taking over. I suppose I developed it over time to cope with the situation instead of wallowing in pain and self pity. Much better I think.
