A Weekend for Me, Stupidity, Illogicality, Annoyance, Dislike, Hatred

THE WEEKEND

FINALLY I had a weekend where I got to do what I wanted and not tend to somebody else's functions, events, needs and desires.  I got to hang out with friends, blow off some steam and genuinely enjoy myself on my own terms.  It was excellent.

INNER MONOLOGUE

I'm a bit more introspective than most people which tends to make me a bit more self aware (I like to think).  One thing I've learned about myself over the years is I have very little patience or tolerance for stupidity.  Stupidity and illogicality to be more specific.  I'm not saying everyone has to be a top scientist, mathematician, doctor etc, but the lack of ability to think for one's self and lack of common sense within society is simply staggering.  People who make decisions based on the most insane, illogical, nonsensical criteria irk me at my very core.  This extends into all aspects of life and conversation.  I've always fancied thinking for myself, making my own decisions based on logic and things I believe to be important.  When I meet people who say things like "I'm republican/democrat because my parents are" I can't help but feel sorry for them.  I knew a girl in college who would call her parents for consult with just about every decision in her life.  She was absolutely lost and confused at most times of the day.  And there was this other person . . . .

RESULTING PERCEPTION

BLAH BLAH BLAH you get the point.  These things just get on my nerves to the point where I become annoyed with the persons very presence.  If I'm continued to be subjected to this persons presence I begin to genuinely dislike them which, in certain extreme cases, has become hate in a few situations.

PERCEPTION AS A COPING MECHANISM

I've also notice I begin to dislike someone as a defense mechanism.  This mostly applies to my plight with women.  If I'm really into a young lady who happens to be interested in me but she has a boyfriend or starts going out with someone who is not me, I'm obviously not going to be happy with that.  I still have feelings for them and I feel I've been slighted just a bit.  Still ok, typically we remain friends because if I actually like someone it's because I enjoy their company and conversation.  But then there are still those feelings kicking around which I can't express or explore because the person they're meant for is taken.  This situation gets really frustrating and I become peeved at the person the feelings are directed because they're making me feel this way and causing me issue.  It's ridiculous but it helps me keep my sanity and deal with the situation.  I never lash out at the person, it's more of an internal defense mechanism to keep the feelings I have from taking over.  I suppose I developed it over time to cope with the situation instead of wallowing in pain and self pity.  Much better I think.

Who's Reading This? & Weekend with Family

Just curious, is someone reading this on a regular basis?  If so, what up?

Spent the weekend visiting some family, having a good time, going out with my cousins, celebrating a marriage and a retirement.  This was a family reception for the wedding I was at a couple weeks ago and it was also the last weekend of four in a row in which I was doing things for other people.  I SURVIVED!!  Just barely, I look terrible right now as I didn't get a whole lot of sleep this weekend.  It was fun, but it was also crazy as my family is certifiably insane.  It's a hard thing to describe.  My family members are different types of crazy.  Two of my cousins have several children, the first of which they had while in high school.  I'd like to say it was a youthful indiscretion but both of them had more opportunities than most.  Oh, and they happen to be sisters.  Older sister gets pregnant in high school, ends up having a still birth or miscarriage or something of that sort.  Very sad thing, it can't be easy for a mother to lose her baby.  In fact, losing a child, even and unborn child, has to be extremely difficult.  BUT, she then had a chance to go back to being a normal teenager, do things like finish high school without having to worry about raising a child.  Instead, she got pregnant again within a year.  Nothing wrong with having babies, but it's a lot better when they are planned and the parents are financially stable.  A couple years after this happened, the little sister of the cousin was in the exact same situation.  Pregnancy scare, ended up being miscarried, still got pregnant within a year.  That, inherently, doesn't make them crazy but having kids seems to have enhanced their crazy.  Does that happen with all women or with all parents for that matter?  I imagine it's tough with another being depending on you for their livelihood.  I don't know, but it was a fun weekend none the less.  I feel like everyone should experience a party with my family at some point in their life, it would make them appreciate their family.

I'm not making a whole lot of sense, whatever.  More stuff later.

Another Week, Another Wedding

No, I am not a wedding crasher.  I actually know all the people in these weddings and this is the third wedding I have been a groomsman within the last calender year.  Actually, the first wedding I was in happened to be Memorial Day weekend last year in the same city with the reception taking place in the same venue.  It seems I have come full circle in this wedding craziness.  I need a break though.

PLANNING
On the plus side, I had an awesome time.  This was my best friend's wedding and the only wedding of which I 100% approve and 100% wanted to be present.  It was also the only wedding where the wedding party had their shit together.  Everything was well planned, they weren't dropping task list bombs on me the night before the wedding which happened to me at one of the weddings.  There was no confusion as to where we needed to be or when we needed to be there.  The reception hall was less than half a mile from the church.The bridesmaid dresses were pretty and I didn't have to wear an ugly tuxedo, we wore black suits with skinny ties, tie bars and a pocket square which were all picked out and purchased by the groom.  The black suit was an awesome choice because I already owned one.  I don't have a problem with tuxedos except the weddings in which I wore a tux they were non-traditional so the only option was renting.  I would have loved to just buy a tuxedo and own it instead of renting one for $200.



OPEN BAR
OPEN BAR DUDE!!! This is also the only wedding I went to which was full service open bar with four kegs, one of which was Shiner Bock.  Well done.  There were also free cigars which were pretty good as well.  The food was good and there were hors d'oeuvres being served when the guests first arrived so that was extremely nice.  Every other wedding I went to had quite a long wait between arrival and food with no appetizers in between.  Poor planning I say.  One negative mark on the catering company, I specifically asked for what time last call was and I was told 11:45pm.  At 11:30pm, I and my friends made our way to the bar to slam a few beers and shots in the last fifteen minutes of serving.  Much to our dismay, we were informed that cutoff policy for the hall was 11:30pm so we couldn't get anything.  I was so fuckin pissed.  No last call announcement AND the last call time I was quoted was incorrect.  Bullshit.  Related Note: Why is the hottest girl at the wedding always some girl working for the catering company?  She's also usually the dumbest, ask someone else if you have any important questions like "What time is last call?"

MUSIC
Mexican wedding so there were mariachis and a lot of spanish music.  Great fun dancing and a few really fun traditions.  Plus, everyone at a Mexican wedding drinks so that tends to mean a good time.  The mariachis left and then there was a band who played a variety of music but with the massive amount of Mexicans attending, the merengue, cumbia and various other spanish music was the type that got people out of their seats and on the dance floor.

WRAP UP
The end of the reception was the only crappy part.  All the bridesmaids, except for one, bailed about an hour before the reception was over as did most of the groomsmen. I hung around like a good friend because there is not usually a plan for getting all the presents and whatever else out of the reception hall.  The few of us who were left helped load up the vehicles and spent an hour while the decision makers figured out the deal.  It took way longer than it should.  After that was sorted, we finally got to leave and go to a bar with only thirty minutes left to drink by the time we got there.

Overall this was by far the BEST wedding I've ever been to or been a part of, HANDS DOWN.  Everything was better executed and the people were a lot more fun.  I also got to see a lot more friends I haven't seen in quite a while so it was great.  Best wishes to my friends on their marriage.

PS: It never fails, every wedding I go to I get asked "When are you getting married?"  It's a bit annoying since most of the people who ask are really serious.  Amongst friends we always joke about it but the adults, usually aunts, uncles and parents, are always very serious and continually introducing you to their other family members in hopes of marrying off some of the other females in the family.  Just think this is odd, that's all.

Jesus Christ, What a Weekend in New Orleans

Took a trip to New Orleans for a friend's bachelor party.  Had a waaaaaay better time than the last time I was there for the same reason.  Different bachelor, different people who were a lot more fun, wanted to experience the city in all it's local cajun food eating, bourbon street partying, bead throwing, drunken gambling glory.  So much fun.  I also feel a whole lot like garbage today.  Probably to do with the fact I was out partying until 5 or 6 am Friday and Saturday.  Met two very interesting women as well.  Both writers which struck me as interesting.  They were great to hang out with and actually extremely interesting conversationalists.

I wonder if these women are vegetarians?  Confused about that question?  Let me explain.  I was recently thinking about the very short list of women I'm extremely attracted to and would probably consider dating, and I realized they all might be vegetarians/vegans aka veggies (there's one I don't know about yet, but I'm sleuthing).  I thought it was an interesting correlation.  I've been using my powers of reasoning and deduction to figure out why this might be the case.  In my experience, veggies tend to be more health conscious, not just in what they eat but also with exercise and physical activity in general.  I happen to be attracted to women who are fit so this health conscious activity helps.  Veggies also tend to have liberal views which jives with a lot of my own personal thinking so we tend to get a long, at least decently, during worldly and political discussions.  I am not a vegetarian and I don't believe I'd ever be one so as long as a veggie doesn't try and tell me how I should eat we will be fine.  I'm actually a pretty health conscious eater myself, I just happen to eat meat in addition to the vegetables.  I've also been increasingly more attracted to hipster girls and a large percentage I've met have been veggies.  Hmmmm, I'll turn this over in my head for a while and keep you posted.

I've mentioned previously that I want to move out of my current desert home.  I'm not a fan.  It seems a bit telling that every time I got out of town (Houston and New Orleans the last two trips) I meet some interesting and seemingly worth while women.  Maybe the well in the desert is a bit dried up in more ways than one.

Speaking of women, the California girl, who got divorced not so long ago and started dating someone else not so long after that, sent me an interesting e-mail.  It was a message about a few things but she sprinkles in some things about our back and fourth saying she hopes I meet an awesome girl and she's sad that I live out of state (in the context she seems to be eluding that she wants or wanted to date me . . .?) and there was sort of a "oh by the way" moment where she tosses out that she's already moved in with the new beau.  If you've read any posts from me before you know it wasn't too long ago we were very flirty with one another and she really wanted me to come out and visit.  I can't say that I'm very shocked even though I do think the move in is unusually fast for anybody.  I've also mentioned that she seems like a relationship person given the fact that she's already been married twice, hence the reason I wasn't shocked, but I was definitely surprised.

OUCH! My finger! That's gonna leave a mark.

I knew it.  What did I write last time?  I felt like my window of opportunity was sliding shut.  I was totally right.  I wrote down my prediction just in time for that window to slam down on my finger.  Not a good feeling, but it's certainly better than losing a hand.  I was fairly prepared for this to happen given the circumstances.  We don't live anywhere near each other and she is obviously a relationship person.  It was only a matter of time before she ended up in another one.  "Hey, that's not fair, maybe he's the right own for her." Yeah, great, I honestly hope she is happy.  She's a great person and deserves happiness but the fact of the matter is, if someone really wants to be in a relationship they're going to make it happen.  This is true for 99.9$ of people.  I've said before most people aren't like me in the sense that I'm not going to get into a relationship just because I feel like I want a significant other.  We'll see what happen, I haven't asked any questions and honestly I'm a bit curious but I don't think I really want to know.  What is that going to do for me?  If I had to bet I'd bet this is just a rebound relationship.  It will be fully charged and short lived.  Makes sense for the time frame after her previous long term commitment and, yes, it may just be wishful thinking since I'd still like to go visit and it would be way better if she wasn't in a relationship when I do.  So now the question is when do I go to for the visit?

I Got a Fever!

Man, I feel a bit ridiculous right now.  I've got it pretty bad.  This young lady is on my mind more often than I'd like to admit and we don't even live in the same place.  I'm not sure if it'd be harder or easier if we did live close together.  All I know is I'd like to have a chance with this one if I could.  Not sure where or what that would lead to but I feel like the window of opportunity will be sliding shut before I get that chance.

On a totally unrelated note: Finally purchased the Lupe Fiasco - Lasers album.  Haven't had a chance to listen to it but I'm pretty excited.  I know what I'll be jammin in my vehicle tomorrow.  I will be posting about that after and either saying that it's great or how much I hate it.  Hopefully more of the former.

Another Wedding

Some interesting developments lately.  The young lady I'm into seems to be pretty into me as well.  So I got that goin for me.  But she still lives in another state.  WOMP womp.  Not too bad though.  I'm supposed to go and visit and I guess we'll see how things go from there.  I am currently at the airport, on my way to yet another of my friends weddings.  This shit is getting annoying.  Can people stop getting married for one god damned second so I don't have to buy a fucking plane ticket and get a hotel and a bunch of other shit?  I mean yes, I'd spend the money on a trip anyway, but it would be somewhere I wanted to go and things I wanted to do.  Hanging out at a church and reception hall are not my two most favorite things in the world.  Sorry to break it to you.  I still think it's funny when I get the invitation and there is the little card telling me where the bride and groom are registered. Do you know how much it's going to cost just for me to be there?  That's your wedding gift.  You are welcome. You get one shot.  If you ever get married again, don't expect me to be there.  Speaking of marriage, this girl really isn't that into marriage at the moment on account of her previous marriage now being defunct.  I honestly don't think that will last forever.  Most women have periods of time where they aren't interested in that kind of relationship but that typically fades.  Not for all women mind you.  I do know some who have never been interested in marriage and never will be.  They are in their early to mid thirties and it just has never appealed to them.  That's excellent to me.  To know what they want in this world is very cool and attractive, in my opinion.  More women should know what they want.

American Dream 2.5

Rambling on a Wednesday night:

Heaven seems so far away, changing form from day to day.  It wasn't so long ago I longed for what I have and now I want something more.  They never said I'd find what I was looking for.  Life, liberty and pursuit of happiness, that's all I'm guaranteed.  Throw in death and taxes.  My gypsy soul keeps me wandering, refusing to settle for the standard "American Dream".  I'm not even sure I'll ever want a wife and 2.5 kids, house, white picket fence, 2 car garage.  That doesn't seem to be in the cards.  Not for me.  Not right now, maybe not ever.  I could find someone, there's plenty of girls in this world just waiting for someone to come along.  Someone who will make them feel safe, secure and stable.  Make mommy and daddy proud as they beam and think out loud "How Wonderful!" at the thought of fitting just right into that little picture book romance they've created in their head since childhood.  Scooping up somebody just because it's the "right time in your life" or you feel and obligation to "settle down", doesn't seem right to me.  Maybe you hear your biological clock ticking.  I hear nothing.  Just my thoughts, floating around my head.  I will not settle, it's not in my nature.  There have been few candidates in this world but at least I know there are some possibilities.  There's somebody out there for a nerd like me.

Gypsy Soul

Seems I was born a wanderer in many ways.  Some things I like to stay the same but often I crave change.  Living in the same city I get restless.  Is this because I like moving around or because I'm not truly happy where I am?  I like to think it's the latter and that I will someday find myself in one place and constantly happy.  I am happy most of the time but there are certain things I'm not a big fan of at the moment.  Most people here, the desert sucks in general.  I miss grass and trees in peoples yards.  It's in some places but it's not exactly practical in the desert, I understand that and it pretty much means this isn't the place for me.  On top of that, 4 months of blistering hot weather is not cool with me.  I have a really hard time with the dry heat.  Humidity sucks, but I can deal with it better than a place that makes me feel like I'm in an oven.  I grew up with humidity and I would prefer a hot, humid summer to an extremely hot, dry summer.  Work is ok but I'd like some change.  Although I am finally in a position to learn some truly valuable skills for the future.  I definitely want to take full advantage of this opportunity.  There are a number of things that are annoying at my current job but not awful.  Just time for change I think.  My rambling tendencies carry over into many parts of my life.  Often times I start out into a girl and as time goes on that fades and I'm ready to move on.  I'm not really sure what that means.  Again, I like to assume the best.  I'm not the type of person to settle so as I get to know a person more and more and that angel suit starts to come off I really get an idea of whether I want to invest in that person.  That goes for all relationships I forge.  Some people just aren't worth any kind of investment.  It took me a while but I have found some great people here, honestly they are the only people making life bearable.  I really need to take another vacation somewhere awesome and new.  I've had to spend most/all of my travel money going to and being in weddings.  They have become something of a burden in most cases.  Very few I don't mind attending.  I want so much more out of life and I don't believe I can accomplish it while slaving away for someone else's dollar.  Just have to see where this gypsy soul takes me.

Late Night Monday

Seems Mondays get a bit late for me. I don't know why. Pretty good evening. Been really stuck on a girl that's recently back on the market. Honestly? If I lived in the same place I'd date this girl in a second. I mean I was always attracted to her. I guess I didn't let my mind think about her too much, prospect wise, because she was in a committed relationship. But now we're talking a lot and I remember why I was so attracted to her when we first met.  Women like her are few and far between but unfortunately the distance between us is father than a few miles.  She certainly is great though. Awakened a few things inside that have laid dormant for quite some time, to the point I thought they may be dead.  We shall see, I'm not certain if she feels the same even though her banter is typically playful and frisky.  Oh women, you are so difficult and dangerous.

Odds and Ends and Girlfriends

Recently I've been at odds with myself.  I find myself, partially, desiring a girlfriend.  Yet a large part of me doesn't want the complications that come along with that kind of commitment.  Yes, I do have issues with commitment.  That's what happens when you get burned.  Some people learn (me), some don't.  Although I do miss certain things.  Companionship and caring of another person.  But I'm picky, I'm not going to just settle on whoever is willing to fill the gf void because I feel lonely sometimes.  That's just a ridiculous thing to do.  That's how people end up in long term relationships with the wrong person that turn into marriage with the wrong person.  They build up this comfort level and they feel like that's what matters.  Stupid.  Don't send yourself head first into a marriage because you're comfortable with someone.  My couch is incredibly comfortable but I'm not trying to have intimate relations with the damn thing.