Hangover Sleuthing

THE NIGHT OUT
When I go out and party with friends, especially friends I haven't seen in a while, there are usually parts of the night which have been omitted from my memory.  Sometimes by choice but usually due to alcohol consumption.  This latest weekend was no exception.  I went out Thursday, started the night off with my brother and a few of his friends.  After several hours of beer, shots and shuffleboard, it was close to midnight and my friends started showing up.  So of course I had to celebrate the arrival with more shots causing my brother's friend to puke underneath a high top table we were standing at in the corner.  Someone nobody noticed and we still served.  I left my brother's company and proceeded to a gentleman's establishment where a friend was tending bar.  I asked for shots of anything (bad decision) so he made me star f*!%ers.  But instead of vodka, he made them with 151 . . . I don't remember anything after that.  I don't even remember looking at the girls, probably because my vision was too blurred to see as far as the stage through all the smoke, black light and shattered dreams.  Apparently I demanded another round of the same shot, which we took, and then my friend bought a round of patron.  This all occurred in a matter of 45 minutes.  Then it was closing time and we hit up a late night establishment for some food and I promptly passed out on my friend's couch when we arrived at his place.

PICKING UP THE PIECES
I spent the next morning eating ibuprofen and digging through my pockets for clues.  Much to my dismay, I found out I spent over $300 that night.  Oh well, I had an awesome time.  But then I found $100 in my breast pocket, so that eased my pain a bit.  I also made a cursory look through my phone.  No crazy outgoing texts, nice.  What's this?  A phone number from some girl?  A few mental images flash through my head, none of them with a face.  All I remember is a skirt and some really nice legs.  After questioning my friends I found out I somehow hit on a pretty girl AND got her phone number.  In words of my friend, "You were so wasted, I was going to step in but then, all of a sudden, you got really focused.  You were speaking coherently and everything for a couple minutes."  This is where the sleuthing really picks up and a whole lot of other nights make sense.  Whenever I have one of these Long Lost Friend Reunion Party Nights I fairly consistently wake up with missing memories and phone numbers or pictures of me and some girl(s).

THE QUESTIONS
1) How do I continue to get served when I'm so drunk?
                I consistently get asked this question by myself and my friends.  I wake up vaguely remembering a cab ride home and thinking I got ripped off by a cabbie because I'm missing $40 more than the cab ride should've cost.  Only after looking through a crumpled receipt or checking my credit card statement do I realize I actually there was a third bar I attended of which I have no recollection.

2) How do I possibly talk to these girls and get their numbers?
                It's not that I'm complaining too much except I'd like to remember SOME details about these girls.  That way I can actually call them and ask them to come hang out at a bar and actually remember something we talked about.  I'm sure I asked what they did for a living and if they were in school and I was probably genuinely interested.  The shit part, and this has happened, is if I invite them or run into them later, I tend to ask the same questions.  I can't help it, those are my go to questions when starting a conversation and getting to know someone.
3) How do you manage to get a cab and give them directions to take you home?

THE ANSWERS
This was a landmark situation.  Usually, when I drink to blackout status, my friends are on the same level because we spend the whole night together.  This time, I spent half the night with one group and then moved on to hanging out with another group who were sober halfway through the night.  Hence, I actually had a witness of many of the shenanigans.
1, 2 & 3) Apparently, the answer to all three questions is related with slight variations.  While drunk, I maintain the ability to focus for very short periods of time to achieve important objectives.  Obviously, getting drinks is extremely important.  There are certain rules I generally follow even when I'm sober and they seem to carry over.  Know what you want when the bartender gets to you, don't act like a jackass when at the bar to order a drink, don't say too much to the bartender especially if they are super busy or seem to be in a bad mood, act as sober as possible if possible, don't rush the bartender they will get to you when they can.  Speaking to girls is also very important for any guy.  I'm a witty guy and many girls find this charming especially when they've had a couple drinks.  I'm also a lot more likely to buy girls drinks when I've been drinking.  This all seems to work in my favor.  Last, but not least, I really like making it to my own house if I can.  A cab is always worth it as a DUI is a brutal and unrelenting burden.  NO THANK YOU.  I pour myself into a cab, often fearlessly pre-negotiating the price, and proceed to give directions.  My drunk self is very good with directions, I am often the one who remembers where we parked when the DD forgets.  I'm that good.  I am friendly so I engage in small talk with the cab driver because it's fun and I need to stay awake.  I make it home, tip the cabbie, get into my place and usually wake up with most of my clothes still on.

THE DREAM
One day, a government agent with show up on my doorstep in an attempt to recruit me because I have "a very special set of skills."  To which I will reply, "I've been waiting my whole life for this."  My drinking abilities + ability to focus on important tasks + morning after sleuthing skills will one day serve our country.  When that day comes, I will be ready.  Until then, I will continue the rigorous training because I'm a patriot.  You're welcome America.