American Dream 2.5

Rambling on a Wednesday night:

Heaven seems so far away, changing form from day to day.  It wasn't so long ago I longed for what I have and now I want something more.  They never said I'd find what I was looking for.  Life, liberty and pursuit of happiness, that's all I'm guaranteed.  Throw in death and taxes.  My gypsy soul keeps me wandering, refusing to settle for the standard "American Dream".  I'm not even sure I'll ever want a wife and 2.5 kids, house, white picket fence, 2 car garage.  That doesn't seem to be in the cards.  Not for me.  Not right now, maybe not ever.  I could find someone, there's plenty of girls in this world just waiting for someone to come along.  Someone who will make them feel safe, secure and stable.  Make mommy and daddy proud as they beam and think out loud "How Wonderful!" at the thought of fitting just right into that little picture book romance they've created in their head since childhood.  Scooping up somebody just because it's the "right time in your life" or you feel and obligation to "settle down", doesn't seem right to me.  Maybe you hear your biological clock ticking.  I hear nothing.  Just my thoughts, floating around my head.  I will not settle, it's not in my nature.  There have been few candidates in this world but at least I know there are some possibilities.  There's somebody out there for a nerd like me.

Gypsy Soul

Seems I was born a wanderer in many ways.  Some things I like to stay the same but often I crave change.  Living in the same city I get restless.  Is this because I like moving around or because I'm not truly happy where I am?  I like to think it's the latter and that I will someday find myself in one place and constantly happy.  I am happy most of the time but there are certain things I'm not a big fan of at the moment.  Most people here, the desert sucks in general.  I miss grass and trees in peoples yards.  It's in some places but it's not exactly practical in the desert, I understand that and it pretty much means this isn't the place for me.  On top of that, 4 months of blistering hot weather is not cool with me.  I have a really hard time with the dry heat.  Humidity sucks, but I can deal with it better than a place that makes me feel like I'm in an oven.  I grew up with humidity and I would prefer a hot, humid summer to an extremely hot, dry summer.  Work is ok but I'd like some change.  Although I am finally in a position to learn some truly valuable skills for the future.  I definitely want to take full advantage of this opportunity.  There are a number of things that are annoying at my current job but not awful.  Just time for change I think.  My rambling tendencies carry over into many parts of my life.  Often times I start out into a girl and as time goes on that fades and I'm ready to move on.  I'm not really sure what that means.  Again, I like to assume the best.  I'm not the type of person to settle so as I get to know a person more and more and that angel suit starts to come off I really get an idea of whether I want to invest in that person.  That goes for all relationships I forge.  Some people just aren't worth any kind of investment.  It took me a while but I have found some great people here, honestly they are the only people making life bearable.  I really need to take another vacation somewhere awesome and new.  I've had to spend most/all of my travel money going to and being in weddings.  They have become something of a burden in most cases.  Very few I don't mind attending.  I want so much more out of life and I don't believe I can accomplish it while slaving away for someone else's dollar.  Just have to see where this gypsy soul takes me.

The Landscape of War

Wars don't just change maps they change men, Taking lives of the living and the dead. Hollowed out shadows of the people we once knew or hardened, icy inside struggling to break through. Just collateral damage written off and forgotten, Fat Cats buying peace of mind for their rotten souls. Everyone knows but nobody says a thing, that elephant in the room isn't seen as they turn blind eyes and the cries fall on deaf ears. The sheeple go where the politicians say, believe the scare tactics and drink the kool-aid. Fabrications and stories about American grace and glory when the graves and gory details are dismissed, our supposed objectives missed.  False intel justifies our presence, No WMDs, no accountability or backlash for negligence. We just go about our lives acting righteously indignant, afraid to unite against this egregious infringement. Other countries riot over tuition being raised, we watch youtube videos of guys getting tased while eating lays gaining weight as the days, go by I try to do my part I guess it's a start but not enough. If you want something done, put up or shut up, its you against the world and the masses won't listen to reason, you disagree and the government cries treason, if only you could see, get the facts and think for yourselves it's the only way this place can be helped. Until then I'll have to conquer my doubts and begin my quest from the inside out.

Lupe Fiasco - Lasers

Caught a few songs of Lupe Fiasco's third album Lasers on GrooveShark.  Of the songs I heard the track Space Love is absolutely JAMMIN!  Even though GrooveShark says it's from Lasers, it's actually not.  The other songs are very good as well so no big deal.  Good hip-hop artists tend to follow a pattern in my experience, three solid albums and then they just fall off.  Look at Kanye West.  College Dropout, Late Registration and Graduation are all excellent (save for a few songs), 808s and Heartbreak was awful.  Very little sweet lyrical rapping, a quality which defines the best in hip-hop, and a lot of trendy, shitty auto-tune.  Is it shitty because it's trendy?  Well, partially because it gets played out, but mostly because it has always been garbage even before it was trendy.  My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy?  Over-produced vomit propagating into your ear drums.  What's that you say?  You love those albums?  Well I'm sorry to hear that you are lying to yourself.  Just be honest, listen to his first three albums and then listen to the last two.  You'll hear the difference and it will be substantial.

That all being said, I expected Lupe's third album to be excellent and, from what I've heard, he hasn't disappointed.  Now the true test for all time, can he keep it going on album four and beyond?  Time will tell.  Until then, I'm gonna be feeling the Space Love.

Late Night Monday

Seems Mondays get a bit late for me. I don't know why. Pretty good evening. Been really stuck on a girl that's recently back on the market. Honestly? If I lived in the same place I'd date this girl in a second. I mean I was always attracted to her. I guess I didn't let my mind think about her too much, prospect wise, because she was in a committed relationship. But now we're talking a lot and I remember why I was so attracted to her when we first met.  Women like her are few and far between but unfortunately the distance between us is father than a few miles.  She certainly is great though. Awakened a few things inside that have laid dormant for quite some time, to the point I thought they may be dead.  We shall see, I'm not certain if she feels the same even though her banter is typically playful and frisky.  Oh women, you are so difficult and dangerous.

Can't Take a Joke?

Apparently some of my friends co-workers hate me because of some stuff I said when I was drunk.  Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke.

Odds and Ends and Girlfriends

Recently I've been at odds with myself.  I find myself, partially, desiring a girlfriend.  Yet a large part of me doesn't want the complications that come along with that kind of commitment.  Yes, I do have issues with commitment.  That's what happens when you get burned.  Some people learn (me), some don't.  Although I do miss certain things.  Companionship and caring of another person.  But I'm picky, I'm not going to just settle on whoever is willing to fill the gf void because I feel lonely sometimes.  That's just a ridiculous thing to do.  That's how people end up in long term relationships with the wrong person that turn into marriage with the wrong person.  They build up this comfort level and they feel like that's what matters.  Stupid.  Don't send yourself head first into a marriage because you're comfortable with someone.  My couch is incredibly comfortable but I'm not trying to have intimate relations with the damn thing.