Life and Uncertainty, Just the Way it is

Lots of uncertainty in my life right now.  Few people are getting the boot at work.  Lay-offs are shitty.  I don't think I'm going to get laid off since I'm one of the cheaper workers (fairly new, etc) and I have a project but that isn't exactly a guarantee.  Plus this job isn't exactly where I want to be so I'm looking around.  Trying to move somewhere else that will hopefully be cool and a job that I love.  Who knows.  I loved this job for the first 7 months of work, then I got bounced around to different projects, all of which were kind of mind numbing, so now I'm doing things that I feel are very boring.  Sucks.  And now that I'm looking around for work I'm remembering how time consuming and a bit difficult job hunting can be.

On a personal level, I'm stuck between creative projects.  Not unusual for me, I bounce around a lot with that sort of thing, its just my personality.  I wish I could be more focused, maybe I just have to make an active effort but that seems like it might take the fun out of things.  I feel like I need to have better follow through though.  Like I said, uncertainty, but at least I have control over these personal projects and creations.  I'd like to eventually finish one so I can show off a finished product to people.

OUCH! My finger! That's gonna leave a mark.

I knew it.  What did I write last time?  I felt like my window of opportunity was sliding shut.  I was totally right.  I wrote down my prediction just in time for that window to slam down on my finger.  Not a good feeling, but it's certainly better than losing a hand.  I was fairly prepared for this to happen given the circumstances.  We don't live anywhere near each other and she is obviously a relationship person.  It was only a matter of time before she ended up in another one.  "Hey, that's not fair, maybe he's the right own for her." Yeah, great, I honestly hope she is happy.  She's a great person and deserves happiness but the fact of the matter is, if someone really wants to be in a relationship they're going to make it happen.  This is true for 99.9$ of people.  I've said before most people aren't like me in the sense that I'm not going to get into a relationship just because I feel like I want a significant other.  We'll see what happen, I haven't asked any questions and honestly I'm a bit curious but I don't think I really want to know.  What is that going to do for me?  If I had to bet I'd bet this is just a rebound relationship.  It will be fully charged and short lived.  Makes sense for the time frame after her previous long term commitment and, yes, it may just be wishful thinking since I'd still like to go visit and it would be way better if she wasn't in a relationship when I do.  So now the question is when do I go to for the visit?

I Got a Fever!

Man, I feel a bit ridiculous right now.  I've got it pretty bad.  This young lady is on my mind more often than I'd like to admit and we don't even live in the same place.  I'm not sure if it'd be harder or easier if we did live close together.  All I know is I'd like to have a chance with this one if I could.  Not sure where or what that would lead to but I feel like the window of opportunity will be sliding shut before I get that chance.

On a totally unrelated note: Finally purchased the Lupe Fiasco - Lasers album.  Haven't had a chance to listen to it but I'm pretty excited.  I know what I'll be jammin in my vehicle tomorrow.  I will be posting about that after and either saying that it's great or how much I hate it.  Hopefully more of the former.

News Flash: Weddings Aren't So Bad

Well that wedding certainly went better than I thought.  It was pretty fun.  Not as fun as a regular night out with the friends but a good time none the less.  It wasn't quite traditional, which made it a little more relaxed, but I always feel like I'm under the microscope at weddings.  All formal events for that matter.  It's never my even though, so I don't want to screw it up.  Hopefully my friend will only be getting married once and her and her husband deserve to have their day.  I got to see a bunch of people I haven't seen in quite a while, so that was cool.  I also realized something, a number of the people at the wedding who I "knew" and talked to, I realized I didn't really know that well.  Basically we went to a lot of the same parties.  hahaha.  I just thought that was funny.  They are fun people, so that helped.  A few closer friends were there and that was also nice.  Plus I was in my hometown so I had a bit of time to see some family and party with other friends around town.  Always a good time.  I guess weddings aren't THAT bad, but still not my preferred thing to do.  On the big plus side, I look awesome in a suit.

Another Wedding

Some interesting developments lately.  The young lady I'm into seems to be pretty into me as well.  So I got that goin for me.  But she still lives in another state.  WOMP womp.  Not too bad though.  I'm supposed to go and visit and I guess we'll see how things go from there.  I am currently at the airport, on my way to yet another of my friends weddings.  This shit is getting annoying.  Can people stop getting married for one god damned second so I don't have to buy a fucking plane ticket and get a hotel and a bunch of other shit?  I mean yes, I'd spend the money on a trip anyway, but it would be somewhere I wanted to go and things I wanted to do.  Hanging out at a church and reception hall are not my two most favorite things in the world.  Sorry to break it to you.  I still think it's funny when I get the invitation and there is the little card telling me where the bride and groom are registered. Do you know how much it's going to cost just for me to be there?  That's your wedding gift.  You are welcome. You get one shot.  If you ever get married again, don't expect me to be there.  Speaking of marriage, this girl really isn't that into marriage at the moment on account of her previous marriage now being defunct.  I honestly don't think that will last forever.  Most women have periods of time where they aren't interested in that kind of relationship but that typically fades.  Not for all women mind you.  I do know some who have never been interested in marriage and never will be.  They are in their early to mid thirties and it just has never appealed to them.  That's excellent to me.  To know what they want in this world is very cool and attractive, in my opinion.  More women should know what they want.

American Dream 2.5

Rambling on a Wednesday night:

Heaven seems so far away, changing form from day to day.  It wasn't so long ago I longed for what I have and now I want something more.  They never said I'd find what I was looking for.  Life, liberty and pursuit of happiness, that's all I'm guaranteed.  Throw in death and taxes.  My gypsy soul keeps me wandering, refusing to settle for the standard "American Dream".  I'm not even sure I'll ever want a wife and 2.5 kids, house, white picket fence, 2 car garage.  That doesn't seem to be in the cards.  Not for me.  Not right now, maybe not ever.  I could find someone, there's plenty of girls in this world just waiting for someone to come along.  Someone who will make them feel safe, secure and stable.  Make mommy and daddy proud as they beam and think out loud "How Wonderful!" at the thought of fitting just right into that little picture book romance they've created in their head since childhood.  Scooping up somebody just because it's the "right time in your life" or you feel and obligation to "settle down", doesn't seem right to me.  Maybe you hear your biological clock ticking.  I hear nothing.  Just my thoughts, floating around my head.  I will not settle, it's not in my nature.  There have been few candidates in this world but at least I know there are some possibilities.  There's somebody out there for a nerd like me.

Gypsy Soul

Seems I was born a wanderer in many ways.  Some things I like to stay the same but often I crave change.  Living in the same city I get restless.  Is this because I like moving around or because I'm not truly happy where I am?  I like to think it's the latter and that I will someday find myself in one place and constantly happy.  I am happy most of the time but there are certain things I'm not a big fan of at the moment.  Most people here, the desert sucks in general.  I miss grass and trees in peoples yards.  It's in some places but it's not exactly practical in the desert, I understand that and it pretty much means this isn't the place for me.  On top of that, 4 months of blistering hot weather is not cool with me.  I have a really hard time with the dry heat.  Humidity sucks, but I can deal with it better than a place that makes me feel like I'm in an oven.  I grew up with humidity and I would prefer a hot, humid summer to an extremely hot, dry summer.  Work is ok but I'd like some change.  Although I am finally in a position to learn some truly valuable skills for the future.  I definitely want to take full advantage of this opportunity.  There are a number of things that are annoying at my current job but not awful.  Just time for change I think.  My rambling tendencies carry over into many parts of my life.  Often times I start out into a girl and as time goes on that fades and I'm ready to move on.  I'm not really sure what that means.  Again, I like to assume the best.  I'm not the type of person to settle so as I get to know a person more and more and that angel suit starts to come off I really get an idea of whether I want to invest in that person.  That goes for all relationships I forge.  Some people just aren't worth any kind of investment.  It took me a while but I have found some great people here, honestly they are the only people making life bearable.  I really need to take another vacation somewhere awesome and new.  I've had to spend most/all of my travel money going to and being in weddings.  They have become something of a burden in most cases.  Very few I don't mind attending.  I want so much more out of life and I don't believe I can accomplish it while slaving away for someone else's dollar.  Just have to see where this gypsy soul takes me.